In other words, this episode of The LaJina Monologues, features hostess LAJINA JONES extracting the truth from President BARACK OBAMA’S final State of the Union address.
IN OTHER WORDS
LaJina: Barack has come to save the day, but let us not forget;
Goldman Sachs gave more to him than any others dit.
He who pays the piper calls the tune and so it goes,
Barack is just the lawyer for the men who cause your wooes.
Welcome fans and foes to The LaJina Monologues. And this be some quality entertainment. In this copyrighted feature of this show entitled “In Other Words,” I’ll be using my doctorate in B.S. Detection to reinterpret selections from the fictitious film State of the Union Starring Attorney-in-chief, Barack O’Bombus.
Barack: Anyone claiming that America’s economy is in decline is peddling fiction.
LaJina: In other words, let me distract you with a confusing word like “fiction” so you’ll forget you livin’ pay-check to pay-check. Or EBT-deposit to EBT-deposit.
Barack: We make change work for us.
LaJina: In other words, it’s time to get out yo’ piggy bank. Okay.
Barack: Wealth and income is concentrated at the very top. And the reason that a lot of Americans feel anxious – is that the economy has been changing in profound ways, changes that started long before the Great Recession hit Changes that have not let up.
LaJina: In over words, the 1% has been printin’ itself money long before you was born, it’s just recently their greed has been so transformative, that instead of being shareholders, today’s American’s are mostly indentured servants. And that’s got them feelin’ a little bit anxious.
Barack: Everybody who works should get a fair shot.
LaJina: In other words, “better get yourself a hand-cannon, ‘cause in this next economic collapse, shit’s ‘bout ta get real. Okay.
Barack: Food-stamp recipients did not cause the financial crisis.
LaJina: In other words, Goldman Sachs, caused the financial collapse, but as their lawyer, it’s my job to put your attention elsewhere.
Barack: Now Climate change is just one of many issue where our security is linked to the rest of the world.
LaJina: In other words, “climate change” is code for “global government”
Barack: Even if 2014 wasn’t the warmest year on record – until 2015 turned out to be even hotter
LaJina: In other words, high-flying NATO planes sprayed more chemtrails in 2015 than 2014,
Barack: If anybody still wants to dispute the science around climate change, have at it. You’ll be pretty lonely, because you’ll be debating our military.
LaJina: In other words, if you talk about chemtrails or bioengineering, you may be subject to indefinite detention by our military.
Barack: Gas under two bucks a gallon ‘aint bad either.”
LaJina: In other words, be sure to burn up lots of cheap gasoline since the earth is in peril due to the burning of fossil fules.
Barack: I’m going to push to change the way we manage our oil and coal resources, so that they better reflect the costs they impose on taxpayers and our planet.
LaJina: In other words, I think it’s time to raise the gasoline tax.
Barack: Why would we want to pass up the chance for American businesses to produce and sell the energy of the future?
LaJina: In other words, why wouldn’t we want to help Goldman Sachs make trillions from cap-and-trade commodes? Incidentally, free investment tip: get in early on those carbon-credit commodities, and support your local Chicago area Goldman-Sachs. And, be sure to diversify your global warming portfolio. Your donations to the broadcast are an investment in good karma and you are so very welcome for this opportunity go give and as i say to my boyfriends, give generously. And give often.
Welcome back to the LaJina Monologues errbody. Your arosed appreciation overwhelms me. Tips are accepted. Okay. And now back to interpretations and translations from the fictions film State of the Union.
Barack: We need to make it easier to vote, not harder, and modernize it for the way we live now.
LaJina: In other words, our vote-rigging technologies need upgraded in swing-states if Hillary is to win.
Barack: I also know that Speaker Ryan has talked about his interest in tackling poverty”
LaJina: In other words, Poverty is the name D.C.’s most exclusive call-girl.
Barack: Because I believe in you.
LaJina: In other words, let me butter you up, cause you bout to get did.
Barack:I believe in change.
LaJina: You know, that stuff you scrape together to pay your bills with.
Barack: Where we just have to be honest.
LaJina: In other words, we don’t comment on ongoing investigations.
Barack: We spend more on our military than the next eight nations combined.
LaJina: In other words, don’t fuck with Israel.
Barack: We’re training and arming forces that are steadily reclaiming territory in Iraq and Syria.
LaJina: In other words, Israel’s gettin’ bigger.
Barack: We also can’t try to take over and rebuild every country that falls into crisis.
LaJina: In other words, we can’t try to take over every country that we bomb into crisis unless it’s plentiful in oil.
Barack: The Middle East is going through a transformation.
LaJina: In other words, the Middle East is transgender Oh, I’m sorry. The Middle East is gentrifying.
Barack: But I can promise that a year from now, when I no longer hold this office, I’ll be right there with you as a citizen.
LaJina: In other words, don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still, I’m still Barack from the block.
Barack: I see it in the worker on the assembly line who clocked extra shifts to keep his company open,
LaJina: In other words, you’re being cut back to three shifts a week, and we’ll soon be closing this factory and opening one in Asia.
Barack: And the boss who pays him higher wages instead of laying him off.
LaJina: In other words, “You’re fired.” And your replacement is named “Who Done Wong.” Or is it, “Done Me Wong?” I can’t remember.
Barack: I see the American who served his time.
LaJina: In other words, My FaceTime friends include Mike Tyson, Jay-Z, P-Diddy, Lindsay Lohan, Justine Bieber and several other X-cons.
Barack: And the young cop walking the beat, treating everybody with respect, doing the brave, quiet work of keeping us safe.
LaJina: In other words, arming local police with military weapons, is keeping you safe.
Barack: I see you.
LaJina: That’s why they call me Big Brother. Well that’s one of the reasons.
Barack: That’s why I stand here confident that the State of our Union is strong.
LaJina: In other words, the police state is stronger than ever.
Barack: Thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.
LaJina: In other words, I bless you, and I bless America. Now I got an early tee time. I’m playin’ 18 with the Goldman boys. This has been LaJina Jones, coming to you live from West Hollywood California, “Home of the Homos.” You are welcome in advance for the free wisdom: A nation of sheep gets ruled by wolves.